My sisters and I were joking around, naming a word that described each of us. Rachel was declared “porcelain,” mostly for the shade of her skin. Sammi was given “dirt,” for her lack of hygiene (just kidding) and tendency to commune with nature.
I was named “bold.” No, none of these words establish a pattern, since two are nouns and one is an adjective, but they still describe us well. But does “bold” describe my new red hair that I did on a whim? Or my last-minute jaunt to London for the dream job interview? Maybe both and maybe neither.
Most days I don’t see myself as bold. Reckless, maybe. Rachel wrote this in a post for Three Sisters, our sister blog:
“Simply enough, my sisters are strong. Sammi and Caroline have already led impressive lives, from moving to beautiful university locations to backpacking across the world. First off, Caroline is so bold. She surprises me more and more. Right now she’s in the midst of (hopefully!) getting a job with Busabout, a British tour company for young people. I brag about that all the time, saying that my sister was in London last weekend and that she’s going to Australia for a few weeks in the spring. How many people can say that? Caroline knows what she wants- a bite from every corner of the world- and I believe she’ll be satisfied when looking back upon her life. Right now, she works several jobs in addition to cultivating a witty travel blog. I have no doubt she’ll be one of those writers whose work you adore and whose life you envy even more.”
First of all, I would like to know how my sixteen-year-old sister has more insight into me, a 22-year-old woman than I do. It’s true that I know what I want out of life. I can’t deny that. But is that what makes me bold? I’ve definitely done some crazy things in my day and this past trip to London is only the tip of the iceberg.
I’ve followed around an Italian guy I just met in Paris on New Year’s Eve. I’ve gone to a not so distantly war-torn Balkan country for a solo vacation. I’ve found my way back from being lost in Harlem at 2 a.m. All of things sound more reckless than anything.
Maybe I’m stupid, but these mistakes are what make my life worth living. So I hope I’m worthy of the “bold” title. I live like I’ve got nothing to lose because at this point, I don’t. No full-time job, no house, no kids. I’m not doing what’s expected of me.
So can I be bold and still have fears? I’m scared I won’t get this job, especially since I’m in week two three of post-interview limbo. I know I did my best, but I’m afraid my best isn’t good enough. I’m afraid of committing to something and regretting it. I’m afraid of missing out on something normal and domestic because of my lifestyle. I’m afraid I’m running away. I’m afraid of abandoning the dream.
I know this kind of honesty is scary. It’s scaring me too.
What an honest post darling! I think it's normal and okay to be scared. Let yourself feel those emotions. However, don't let yourself let those emotions stop you from being bold. It looks like you're doing a great job of not allowing them to stop you thus far!!!PS Love the new hair!
from what i have read from your post you are bolder than most people i know, including me. fear is part of being bold, i think overcoming fear is being bold
What a wonderful tribute from a clearly doting sister. You are indeed bold in every way, including writing this post. Stay strong
I really like your post..Its full of honesty and boldness..If I were in your place I can't gather that much of courage to write..Keep it up!Its a great inspiration for others..