In general, I feel okay about my life. I have a career I’ve worked hard for and published pieces I’m proud of. I have amazing friends all over the world and a family I’d do anything for. I don’t even mind being single. But if there’s one thing I can be slightly sensitive about, it’s living at home with my parents.
It’s not that I am ashamed. I know that it’s necessary for what I want to accomplish. And it helps that I get along well with my parents. Our relationship has never been better. But when you tell other people, they get a look on their face that is hard to describe.
My sister sent me an article about Michael B. Jordan who, along with being a legend, lives with his parents. A story was published about it and the comments ran wild with statements about how he, an adult, should be living. No one seemed to pick up on the fact that the house they live in together is one he bought with his movie earnings. Or that it’s no one’s business but the Jordans.
I posted the link in my personal Facebook feed, which ended up sparking a lively discussion between people I knew, which in general pitted my “travel friends” against other people I knew. The friends I knew from my travel life completely understood my desire to live at home and save money. But not everyone did.
I was surprised at some of the commentary and how it struck a nerve with both sides, so I wanted to discuss the myths behind moving home. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure or that you’re any less of an adult. While this can be a burden on your parents, and it should be something all of you discuss, but doesn’t have to be. There are plenty of reasons you might decide to live at home.
Cultural Reasons
Let’s just say it. Not every culture has this “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality that pushes you out of the nest before you’re ready. In much of Europe, it’s common for adult children to live at home until they get married. Friends from places like Nigeria and the Seychelles talked about this tradition.
Economic Reasons
Perhaps the biggest reason, moving back in with your parents can help you save money. You might not be living rent free, but splitting costs between people is definitely helpful. This is especially the case for many people who, like me, are saving up for a big trip or working towards a business goal that wouldn’t be feasible while paying a mortgage or high rent.
Countless companies have been launched from parents’ basements. But what about your parents’ economic needs? Moving back home might help them cut down costs as well.
Personal Reasons
What about the desire to have a better relationship with your parents? I spent years living out of state and then out of country. So when I moved back home, I was glad to spend time with my parents and develop a relationship as an adult. Our time together on this earth is short, if you really think about it. Chrissy Teigen’s mom lives with her and John Legend for similar reasons.
Moving back home can also provide peace of mind to your single parent who has been living alone. Countless other personal reasons also factor into moving home, including childcare needs, which are one of the largest expenses parents face, as well as to escape domestic violence situations.
Health Reasons
My parents are fairly young, but the last year has brought up some stressful health situations. My mom had surgery last summer before my dad had a fairly serious fall weeks later. And last week, my dad had a major surgery as well. Needless to say, I’m glad I’ve been here to help out when possible. It also was good to live at home when I had my own health situations, like when I had surgery on my foot and was mostly immobile for weeks.
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I don’t want to be labeled a “lazy millennial” for this choice, off spending money on avocado toast and obnoxious breeds of dogs instead of rent. That’s not the case at all. It’s not a situation that is right for everyone. Not all people get along with their parents and not everyone would feel comfortable in this situation. But it’s not something that should be handled with such disdain, either.
Don’t call me spoiled. Or a drain. Or a burden. Because my living situation is no one else’s business.
I love this! I had an apartment for a few years after undergrad until I decided to go back to grad school, full-time. I could only work part-time with my program, and there’s no way I could pay for grad school and $1000 rent each month on a part-time paycheck. I didn’t want to rack up student loans, so I chose to move back home and put all of my paycheck toward grad school. It bugs me that I feel so much shame when I say I moved home! I don’t plan to do it forever, but they have generously allowed me to do it, and it is saving me tens of thousands of dollars!
I don’t think there is anything wrong with it at all.
I’ve moved home for 4-8 months at a time in the last few years, both as an opportunity to be closer to my family and as a way to recharge my batteries and/or lick my wounds between big adventures.
I pitch in around the house, pay my way, cook, run errands, and generally do a lot more than I did when I was a kid living there rent-free.
If they didn’t live so far from all of my friends and an international airport, I’d probably be there more often. Love being home.
Long time lurker, first time commenter. As a 1st generation African-American, this is something I’ve always found so strange about American culture. Literally ALL of my international friends live with their parents unless they 1) are going to school too far away from home or 2) have a significant other they can live with. I don’t know why so many Americans think it is so weird. Furthermore, as a grad student living on loans I have several classmates that receive significant monetary help from their families for living expenses, so would those criticizing you and others rather that your parents help you out with rent every month or have you at home where that money can go towards other equally useful things. If it makes you feel better, I’m SO jealous you get along with your parents so well–I recently had the opportunity to live closer to my parents but I opted not to just because living with/near them would be a disaster for my mental and emotional health (I don’t have much family and they rely on me heavily for emotional and monetary support but also like to treat me/talk down to me like a clueless child in order to protect their pride and maintain parent-child hierarchy in the home *sigh*).
Thanks so much for commenting!